<Knowing and Understanding God’s heart properly>
When I was in my teens, I was living in the deep valley,
where I was pressed by my environment and the agonies of life.
I really could not take control of my heart.
Because I could not control my heart,
I could not control my body and there was no joy or hope in my everyday life.
Naturally, my days were filled with complaints.
I shed tears and pounded the ground with my fists, as I alone lamented and wept for the life I had.
I had my own reasoning:
‘People whom God predestined [to live well] are well off, while others don’t get His help.
So I’m also going through these agonies!’ That was a thought that I entertained in my mind.
So I could not love God or the Lord closely or have a proactive faith.
I didn’t see hope in God or the Lord.
[Still] I could not blame my parents or my ancestors. I just thought it was my destiny to live in that way.
How could I maintain a normal and proper life
when I had such a wrong thought and idea, which was against God’s law?
My heart could not feel normal joy.
I decided that God had already determined every human being’s fate,
therefore, human beings had no other choice but to live as [predestined].
Really, it was my own realization.
You should not come up with your own understanding or conclusion.
If you fail to correctly understand the will of God and the thought of the Lord,
your life goes to ruin.
Indeed, I was entertaining a truly dangerous thought, a destructive idea on my own.
Those who commit suicide also end [their] lives out of having the wrong thought.
I abandoned myself to a thought that said,
‘I who live in this remote valley and those who live in the surrounding areas
were destined [to live here] by God.
So even if we try, we cannot go to the cities.
The city dwellers were predestined to live in the cities by God.’
Life in a deep mountain site was so miserable that I couldn’t help but only think that way.
Truly, I was holding onto a ridiculous thought and philosophy of faith.
As a result, I did not think or try to move to a better place or a city.
With so many questions, I began praying deeply toward the end of my teenage years.
At that time, as I read the Bible and offered long and deep prayers,
I slowly realized that God and the Lord were different from how I had imagined Them to be.
I gradually came to know that my ‘life run by fate’ view of life and God’s view of human life differed.
I then set myself free from that mistaken perspective and theory
about God, which I had come up with on my own.
Consequently, I began making more effort and worked harder.
I understood that through hard work I could escape the pressing agonies and the world of pain.
As I prayed, I came to realize anew what I had thought on my own regarding God, the Lord,
and my destiny;
I came to know ‘the will and law God had set for human beings.’
Have you also had wrong thoughts on your own about God, about the Lord, and about yourself,
and as a result, have you been worried and concerned, have you suffered and agonized?
Pray and gain correct understanding;
get out of the domain of agonies and let the joy and hope flow in from God.
If you deem God’s will as you mistakenly see it,
you will end up creating distance between God and you, between the Lord and you.
You won’t feel like believing or loving God and the Lord absolutely.
You need to know and understand God’s heart properly through prayer.