<The disease of my sulky heart>
In my teenage years, my mom called me “bbi-jjuke-bbae-jjuke.”
The reason was when people rubbed me the wrong way even just a little bit,
I would get upset and sulky. That is why she gave me this nickname.
When she saw me get upset and sulk over minor hurt feelings, my mom would say,
“You’re upset at that? Then I won’t talk to you either.
Let’s just see whether your sulking fit would frustrate you or me.”
“bbi-jjuke-bbae-jjuke” is one of these four syllable Korean words that describes something.
Korean is full of these descriptive words. It means that something is not straight or aligned.)
Since the Lord also didn’t like how I would sulk, get upset, and feel neglected,
he started to fix the disease of my sulky heart through my mother.
However, even though I tried to be patient, I couldn’t fix [myself.]
Eventually, I met the Lord and it disappeared after having a surgical procedure
that removes the original character of the heart.
That operation was, in fact, ‘repentance’.
Even if I was upset at the Lord, it was only my loss;
I was the one who went on the lonely path all the more;
and my heart was tormented.
The Lord made me uproot and pull out all the bad qualities on my own, and made me get rid of them.
Since I fixed the part of my character and heart that was difficult to fix,
the Lord became happy and he used me.
If I do not fix what I needed to fix, I wouldn’t be able to meet the Lord.
He wouldn’t even teach me the Bible.
People who misunderstand easily are really scary. They need to fix all these traits.
Even if people are past 70, 80, or 90 years old,
they need to fix this [character] for the Lord to entrust them a better task.
When I prayed in the mountains when I was young, I realized [something] by looking at myself.
I said to myself,
“If my character is like a dog, then I cannot dare meet the Holy son
who is the King of all kings, God’s son.”
and I realized on my own, fiercely, to the point where my conscience was stricken.
When a man has a strong character, throws a temper tantrum, and has a bad temperament,
then the woman who lives with him would run away saying that she can no longer live with him
because their personalities don’t match.
If a woman has a character like that, then the man would also run away saying that she is scary.
This is because it is more comfortable to live alone
than to live next to the one who has personalities like that.
If they don’t fix their bad characters, their spirits and bodies will not shine due to those characters.
And then they will cause a big problem.
The Lord is also scared of them and does not even go near them.
If you look at Proverbs 21:9 in the Bible, King Solomon also said,
“Better to live in a hut than to share a big house with a quarrelsome person.”
Fixing a bad character, temper, rough temperament, wrong thoughts and actions
is raising a level and [making] a great history.
Listening to the Holy son’ word, obeying and taking action,
and thereby changing the body through righteous actions
and transforming the mind, the heart, thoughts, and the soul
is ‘mental resurrection’, and ‘physical resurrection’.
Then, following the body, the spirit will become a resurrected spirit.
No matter what great Word you listen to, unless your thoughts, actions, and character change,
and unless your spirit changes, you cannot go to Heaven even if you believe in The Lord for 1,000 years.