Even when I was working hard physically,
my head was crowded with thoughts of other things I was supposed to do
because there was a ton of work to do.
All of sudden I felt heavy and suffocated as a continuation of such a hectic life.
Despite working diligently on things that were all very important,
such as work related to the Lord, atelier, and personal affairs,
but suddenly I became daunted as if a storm of work was about to engulf me.
I felt like those things to do became a big and tall wall and blocked my way,
so I turned my back on the wall and started running away abruptly.
‘Cowardly escape’, that was the avoidance of work.
I started goofing around, turning a blind eye to all of the works that were piling up next to me.
I idled time away as though I had a lot of free time,
but the things I should do were right there, on the spot.
As the time passed by in vain, I grew nervous and checked the clock constantly.
Nevertheless, I was getting lazy and still not doing the work,
and instead I did something else in order to forget those works for a little while.
I walked back and forth between the living room and the kitchen, uncertain what to do.
I took snacks out of the refrigerator to eat frequently, lying down on the bed fiddling with my cell phone.
I even tried to take a nap.
I was lying still with eyes closed even though I could not sleep soundly due to anxiety.
I was getting irritated because I couldn't pray properly,
for I had a hard time praying resulting from my behavior in that way without change.
I felt so ashamed of myself being stuck in that situation.
I finally reached the point where I couldn't go on like that any longer.
Therefore, I was getting down to belated works one by one with determination.
I got those works done related to the Lord, postponed painting jobs
and other important things needing to be taken care of, so many various works I did unceasingly.
I kept working with complete concentration, sitting in my chair without any breaks or pauses.
One of my habits is that I write down the lists of all the things I have to do on a big memo pad,
and I underline it with a pink marker after it has been done.
I cheerfully throw the memo into the trash can after all the lists are underlined with the pink marker.
Then, I prepare a new scrap paper that will be written on with a new to-do list.
I made a list of things to do that were postponed and worked on them with concentration for a few days.
As a result, all the items on the list were underlined with pink marker,
and it was thrown into the trash can pleasingly.
I felt so refreshed when I watched the scrap paper dive into the trash can.
I felt being pathetic, and I was ashamed of myself
during the time I didn't do my work and instead goofed off.
After I completed the works that I supposed to do, I felt so proud, and my conscience was clear.
I pondered on the word ‘practice’ once again after I went through all this.
It made me realize one more time how important practice is
because you earn what you deserve and you achieve what you have aimed for by carrying it out.
I gave deep thought to the fact that ‘spiritual practice’ was like this.
You may think it would be much easier
if you slack off the various works for faith, prayer, and words of scripture, but that’s not the case.
It came to me that by not doing your work your spirit suffers a loss
and by laziness in faith your spirit becomes poor.
Those works you didn't carry out are like the dirty dishes filled in the sink for a few days,
and they will not be worked out on their own, only spreading the stench of life over time.
It certainly came to my mind that God and the Lord wouldn't be able to come near us
if we stink with the foul smell of the laziness by not doing the work of faith,
just like people wouldn't go near the smelly place.
The trouble of carrying it out is much better than the humiliation of not carrying it out.
Those who work hard are people of sound mind and of integrity
therefore they are sure to succeed both in this physical world and in the spiritual world,
thus I felt strongly that God would be there more for those who put it into practice.